Pizza Punks, Glasgow


The more observant of you, dear readers, will have noticed something unusual about this review, and that’s no mean feat, considering we are less than 50 words in. The word “pizza” appears in the title. Pizza? On a blog, ostensibly about grilled meat? What’s that all about?

Well, guess what. I am an adult. I get to eat what I want! You don’t own me! You’re not my mum! (unless, of course, you are my mum, in which case, “Hi Mum!).

It won’t come as any surprise, however, to learn that there is a kebab angle. Namely, this review is about a kebab pizza. Behold!

The Pizza Punks menu

This is quite a “create your own” list, innit?

I don’t quite agree with the labelling here, it has to be said. Mac’n’cheese on a pizza is fairly rogue. Potato scone is very rogue. Tortilla chips is off the scale rogue. Irn-Bru flavoured pulled pork? sdngxdznojnjfnvokjzncxjhjgdfnvjo!!!!!!!

Lamb donner on a pizza, however, is… well, quite common. Donner kebab pizzas are everywhere, and are in my view the ultimate in indecisive pisshead food. You’re in the kebab shop, you’re not sure whether to go for a kebab or a pizza, so you do both. It’s like Bold 2 in 1, except a) there wasn’t an advert in the 1980s where a young boy was sent by his mother to buy a kebab AND a pizza, only to bring back a kebab pizza (and keep the change, natch), and b) FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD DO NOT EAT BOLD TWO IN ONE.

This said, Pizza Punks is *not* your normal pizzeria. You may have guessed this from the name, and the menu snippet above. Wood fired, artisan pizza is the name of the game here – fresh bases, fresh ingredients, and something different from the competition, things like egg on a pizza, and that. 

Et voila! Le pizza du kebab! Oui! Et autres stuff.

Of course, one does not purely just go for kebab meat on a pizza. That would be dreadfully dull. No sir, weez have downloaded and installed several toppings here, and they are as follows:

  1. Black olives. These are an essential topping to any pizza.
  2. N’duja (not that band that Dappy was in, but a spreadable salami from Italy. A sour, spicy pesto made from dead pigs. I realise I’m not selling it here but it is probably the best thing on the menu.)
  3. Lemon and Herb chicken. 
  4. Donner meat, natch.

This pizza, tastewise, was very nice indeed. The red sauce, as they call it, was intensely tomatoey, but not invasively so. The sourdough base has a nice, doughy, chewable consistency. The N’djua was so good that I went on Amazon and bought a jar the very next day that wasn’t even as good as Pizza Punk’s N’duja (and yet somehow still cost me the best part of a tenner, the cost of the pizza). The olives were… olives. The lemon and herb chicken was nice enough, though in all honesty I did wonder if they’d just used regular chicken by mistake, as neither the lemon nor the herb registered in my mouth. The donner meat was superb – not at all greasy, soft and delicately spiced.

However, pictures don’t lie. The only thing that let this pizza down was the quantity of the toppings, and unfortunately for me, your humble kebab reviewer, it was the on-topic topping that was notably in short supply. I knew before I went in that this wasn’t going to be a “kebab shop” style kebab pizza, with long strings of meat fresh from the skewer liberally plunged atop a pizza base then covered with grated cheese – but I thought they’d be a bit more generous – the pieces of donner meat were relatively small, and there weren’t a lot of them.

Still, it’s not a deal-breaker. Pizza Punks is a wonderful venue and I will return, and I might even ask for “double kebab” instead next time to see if that makes a difference (the offer is *unlimited* toppings per 12″ pizza for £10, so if I ask for a load of kebab meat, will it happen? This review will get updated if it does). If you like pizza, you’ll like this place. If you like tank fresh Staropramen, then this is one of the few places in Glasgow, possibly the only place in Glasgow come to think of it, where you’ll get it. If you like kebabs… stick to kebabs, I guess.

Pizza Punks, St Vincent Street, Glasgow

Create Your Own (unlimited toppings), £10.


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