Good evening squires/squiresses/squirrels.

At time of writing, Jimmy Carr off of the telly has found himself in a lot of bother, and may find himself out of a job soon. Whilst that sucks for Jimmy Carr, it’s an opportunity for the rest of us, isn’t it? One person’s door closes, and another one opens for someone else, as they say.

With this in mind, and given that I’ve always considered becoming a light entertainer, here are some top jokes that I just invented, JUST IN CASE a vacancy arises in the near future for a straight-to-Netflix funnyman:

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A. Blind Roger.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. It didn’t.

Q. Have you ever noticed, yeah, when you’re like, playing golf, and the golfers swing their stick at the ball and that, that they stick their bum out?

A. This is “observational comedy” and as such doesn’t have a punchline.

Anyway, kebabs.

So I was walking down the road, not a joke – I did walk down a road – when I got to Springfield Quay. Rather than walk right on past, like I usually do, I went in on a whim. I’d read somewhere on the Internet that an interesting looking restaurant called chaiiwala had opened, I remembered that they sold kebabs, I remembered after many months that I had a kebab blog, and so I went in.

As an impromptu blog post of sorts (genuinely wasn’t planning this) , I ain’t got much to say kebab-content-wise (twas ever thus, I suppose) but I was proper impressed.

Firstly, the kebab. Chaiiwala aren’t strictly speaking a kebab shop, they’re more an Indian Street Food type of affair. Not gonna lie, at this point, I kinda wish I’d picked up a menu for reference like I usually do, but they do an all day Desi breakfast, omelettes, samosas, chilli paneer and so on. And kebabs, or, to be more specific, kebab rolls.

So what’s inside this bad boy, I hear you ask? Well, what I will say is this: the bread of choice at chaiiwala is the roti, which I don’t think I’ve ever had before as a kebab wrapping – I’ve had them with curries in the past, but never a standalone meal.

NOT ONLY WAS IT A ROTI…

… IT WAS A FRIED ROTI.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is clearly a game changer. The dynamics have shifted – this was no longer bread, it was practically pastry – and for the avoidance of doubt, this is a good thing.

Inside, not one but two chicken seekh kebabs (it was an extra quid but well worth it), a decent enough garlic sauce and I think a complete absense of salad (if there was, I didn’t notice), and this my friends was very tasty indeed.

The cost? Under a fiver, incredibly. The regular one is £3.70 but as I say, another skewer for a pound, so why wouldn’t you?

chaiwalla, Springfield Quay

Chicken Kebab Roll

8/10