Chompsky @ Broadcast, Glasgow

Good afternoon to you, dear reader.

This week, we (by we I mean me) review Chompsky @ Broadcast. You know this; you’ve just read the title. I didn’t mean to insult your intelligence. Sorry. However – I am going somewhere with this – it’s an @.

An @? Yes. By this, I mean it’s a pop-up kitchen in a pub. That’s right, I went to the pub, to have a kebab. Before I get into the review proper, I just want to just take a moment to just breathe in the utter brilliance of this idea. It’s a kebab shop INSIDE a pub. Of all the technological advances of the 21st century – The Interwebs, Digital Telly, the Netflixes, e-fags, wi-fi enabled toasters – THIS has to be the innovation to kill all others. Remember the 90’s, where if you were in the pub and you wanted a kebab, you had to *leave*? Possibly in the pouring rain? Had to walk down a pavement? With strangers? Strangers who might have blades or shingles? Yeah, dangerous times? In Broadcast (home of the Chompsky), NONE of this. Sit down, your order gets taken, you have a beer, and in a few minutes, a kebab is delivered right to your table. The only way this could possibly be beaten is if they delivered it right to your FACE.

Anyway, Chompsky. Not strictly a kebab outfit, they’ve been “cutting about” Glasgow for the last couple of years as a street food vendor – previously they did Korean stuff up in Taste Buchanan, and had a street food van in Kelvin Way, where they did a bloody good grilled Reuben. I got a tip-off from one of the bigwigs at Chompsky who chanced upon this blog and wanted it to be known that they were shortly going to be doing a shawarma menu, so I went along to have a look. IMG_20171020_173421385 (1).jpg

Now, I know what you’re thinking. On that board, is a picture of a GNOME. Well, technically it’s an outline, but yes, it represents a common or garden GNOME. They are called Chompsky. Gnome. Chompsky. This caused a great deal of confusion – what on earth is this about? Why is Chompsky represented by a gnome? Is the owner two foot tall? Is Chompsky a ceramic figure? Do they like fishing? Couldn’t work this one out, so I figured it must be some kind of pun, but even then, couldn’t quite grasp what the joke was. Luckily, I am good pals with the popular American linguistics Professor and known ultra-Leftist Noam Chomsky, so I rang him and asked. Like me, he was confused – he too thought it must be something to do with garden ornaments. Ah well, I guess we’ll never know.

So I went inside, picked up a menu and was served within seconds. I was asked if I wanted some time to go over the options, but I knew what I wanted – the standard (regular readers will have noticed that I usually opt for chicken). 5 minutes or so later, the food was ready, and here it was:

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Not bad, eh? Served in one of those ubiquitous plastic bowls you get in trendy burger joints, and wrapped in both Chompsky greaseproof paper and a space jacket from the future, the wrap itself was a decent size – I’ve had bigger (fnar) but was perfectly acceptable. I bit in and by God, they have done their homework. The chicken is simply sublime – well marinated, perfectly cooked, firm to the bite but not too chewy – this was fantastic. The sauces really complemented the chicken as well, a bit of cooling garlic yoghurt to counter-act the spicy sauce (which I would say could’ve been ramped up a notch, but then I like my spice), not too much salad… this is gonna be a scorer, you just know it! However, disaster then struck!

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WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY IS THIS NONSENSE.

From the about page

2. You know those pickled jalapenos that some kebab shops use to garnish their ‘babs? I don’t like them, and I will again discourage their use via the rating system – whatever score they would have got will be converted into the corresponding negative number, e.g. a pretty good kebab, 8/10, which is RUINED by a PICKLED BASTARD, will get -8 out of ten.

Well. This is dreadful. We were on for at least 9 out of 10 ten here – the food was good, service excellent, indecipherable visual pun confusing, yeah, it had everything… and then it was ruined.

However, I am going to waive the automatic negative, for two reasons. One – look at the size of that. It’s obscene. How did they manage to grow such a beast? I’m actually 55% impressed, 45% appalled. Two – and this is justice in action kids – you could argue that because the pickled giant chilli was served separately, i.e. it was within the plastic basket, not the kebab, that normal rules need not apply. They escape on a technicality – the best form of escape!

Before I finish this blog and let you, dear reader, do something more exciting with your day, I feel I should mention that, as good as this was, it wasn’t technically shawarma. While there’s no way of confirming this visually as it’s prepared in a backroom, I did get confirmation that it wasn’t cut from a spit. But who cares, right? It was still good.

Pricewise, it’s was in the same price bracket, in fact a little bit cheaper than ‘Babs – £6 for what I had. The beer I had with it, Beavertown Gamma Ray, was nearly as much at £5.70 a pint. I’ve had cheaper drinks…

Chompsky @ Broadcast, Sauchiehall Street, Glasgow (Charing Cross end)

£13.50 for the Chicken Shawarma, beer and tip.

9/10

P.S. over on their Facebook page, they’re asking for votes in some poll or other. Please oblige!

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