Hi hello!

So, as promised in my last update, despite being nearly 4 weeks “aff” the “meat”, I’m going to use Lent to post me drafts, thus destroying any kind of illusion that this website is a swift or responsive operation. In fact, even the word “operation” seems like a massive stretch. Nonetheless, a disclaimer to this, and my next review should probably apply: I visited a while ago and I sincerely hope they’ve improved.

There is a theme which I should establish right at the outset – Grillz, and the establishment I will cover at some point in the near future – were both nominated, and then shortlisted – to be regional finalists in recent British Kebab Awards. Normally I’m in full agreement and can usually nod silently in respect and honour of the judging panel, but sometimes, the nominees will be people I’ve never heard of, and this makes me curious – are they any good or not?

Dante’s is a good example – was worried that this was some kind of committee-think involved that decided a Border kebabby should win this year, so I went there, had their food, really enjoyed it, and concluded that, on balance, their victory was well deserved.

In the case of Grillzz, in Dalmarnock’s trendy “Dalmarnock Road”, seeing as they had been shortlisted – in theory one of the eight best kebab shops in the whole of Scotland! – I figured I’d check them out. A cursory Google search showed that they are a German Doner style outlet, which are increasingly popular these days, but whilst on Google I also thought I’d have a quick look at the reviews:

Gotta be honest, whenever I see a split like this, alarm bells start ringing. One of three things could be happening here:

1. They could be really good half the time, and really bad half the time. Imagine that!

2. They could be really good (hence the 5/5 ratings), however there are a sufficient number of people who, for reasons unknown are downvoting them.

3. They could be really bad (hence the 1/5 ratings), however there are a sufficient number of people who, for reasons unknown, are upvoting them.

Let’s examine the evidence! Let’s look at the plus points. For one thing, it comes in a nice plain paper bag! Good for the environment, keeps meal warm. Great work! Also, as is common with these German Donner places, as well as the sauce on the fladenbröt, the meal included tubs of additional sauce, and the white sauce was actually on point – wasn’t the best I’ve ever had but by far and away not the worst!

Bad points now… (takes deep breath…) Meat was cold, which was quite a feat considering I’d visited early evening at a point when they’d not been open long. The red sauce was quite strong (too acidic and minty) and overpowered all the flavour of the meat. This was a mixed kebab (lamb /chicken) but (possibly due to red sauce/heat issue) it was actually impossible to work out at time of eating which mouthfuls were chicken and which were lamb. Kebab was a little on the small side for £5.95. Change recieved from £20 note was notably not the £14.05 I had expected to receive, based on regular maths. Draft for this blog post on phone simply read “no no no no no” and the photo of the kebab was subtitled “triangle of doom” .

Earlier, I posted three potential reasons for why the Google reviews are all over the place and here’s the thing – of Grillzz in Dalmarnock, I reckon the issue this place faces may be the top one – that they’re just massively inconsistent. Cos, whilst the food I ate on my visit was poor, I am not yet jaded and cynical enough to believe that an entire panel of judges put them on an award shortlist for no reason. However, I can only rate them on the food I ate, which I would never knowingly do again.

Grillzz, Dalmarnock

Mixed German Doner Kebab (no chips etc)

Advertised price £5.95

3/10